It's All Okay

I am someone who is very hard on myself. I think that, really, most people are hard on themselves. It could be childhood/parental issues (such as in my case), peer issues, or just the kind of issues that the person came with. Everything has to be perfect and then, wouldn't you know it, it's just not good enough. I never try hard enough, I always quit, I start things I don't finish, my house isn't clean enough, the dinner wasn't good enough, the presentation wasn't pretty enough, I'm not skinny/pretty enough, blah blah blah. You know the drill. It's nothing knew. Thankfully (or perhaps unfortunately), I am not unique. Yes, I constantly have those voices running through my head. And yes, I sometimes answer them (don't you judge me! You answer them too).

As a general rule I handle these issues in some fashion, usually bottling them up inside, and then at some point I break. I used to freak out on a very frequent (almost daily) basis, but I've gotten better. Sometimes, though, I just feel too overwhelmed and nothing is going to help except a good cry and cuddle from my husband. And then he says the sweetest things and I feel better. Last night was one of those times I was freaking out. I think about not working out. And then it branched off into other things, as these things do, and it just kept going. All the things I start and don't finish (like the blanket I started to crochet about two years ago), or the book(s) I'm the process of reading, or blogging. Whatever.

He reminded me that growing up I was very sheltered. I was homeschooled and my life revolved around my religion and I didn't really get to have hobbies. So at this point in my life, it's ok for me to try lots of things. It's ok for me to dabble and then leave it alone and then come back to it and so forth. It's ok for my hobbies to be video game playing and TV watching and comic book reading and blog reading. (Yes, I am super-nerdy.) And I felt tremendously better. In fact, I still feel better. All of the things I do, I do because I want to. I'm allowed to do random things and it's ok because I'm still a responsible adult. I have to say, I have a renewed sense of peace with myself.

And, for the record, the husband also tells me that I'm beautiful and a good cook and a great housekeeper even though I'm not the housekeeper and so forth. I tell him he just says those things so he can sleep with me. :-P